‘Tom’s Talk’ inspires Year 10

It’s OK to say that you’re not OK

When it comes to talking about mental health in teenage boys, there’s nothing more powerful than hearing from a smart, ‘together’ young man who has witnessed first-hand the devastating impact male suicide can have on family and friends left behind.
Tom Dickinson is a successful Managing Director of an Office & Educational Furniture company and he certainly looks the part.

He’s young, intelligent, ‘fit’, has a great social life and –in the eyes of most teenage boys – embodies everything that most young male teenagers would regards as a man who ‘has it all’.

But some years back, Tom’s brother –his best friend in the whole world - committed suicide in his early twenties. And having to deal with the terrible fallout of this event led Tom -a man who, indeed, seemed to ‘have it all’ – to consider taking his own life, too.

Before Half Term, Tom, who also runs Tom’s Talks – visited us to talk to our Year 10 students about mental health amongst young males. So when Tom started to tell his story, the boys were blown away.

As Tom explained to our boys, when he hit rock bottom two years after his brother’s death and considered committing suicide himself, it was a voice in his head that shouted ‘DON’T YOU DARE!’ that made him sit up and think. He realised that the pain you feel doesn’t go away if you take your own life; it just gets passed on. Life is worth living. Indeed, it was a lightbulb moment he needed and from then on, Tom decided he would do everything he could to manage his mental health and make the most of his life. He also decided to make it his mission to break the stigma of mental health  -particularly amongst teenagers.

Tom shared a few statistics with our students which really made them think.

• 72 million working days a year are lost to mental health issues, costing the economy £34.9 billion.
• 78% of mental health issues start before the age of 18
• 75% of people diagnosed with mental health issues receive no treatment
• 12 men every day commit suicide –one man every two hours
• 76% of all suicides in the UK involve men
• 41% of men in the UK will contemplate suicide in their lifetime

Tom’s overriding message was that ‘It’s perfectly OK to admit that you’re not OK’ and that the key was to always talk to friends and family about how you feel. And to ‘ask, ask, ask’ the people you care about how they are feeling, too. His mantra is that ‘Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem’ and that with some hard work, there can be an answer.

The strategies he shared were as follows:

Talk to someone, share your worries and don’t bottle things up

Make those social connections – be in the ‘present’ by being with others

Be active –exercise releases endorphins and reduces stress

Maintain a healthy, balanced diet – a healthy ‘gut’ is scientifically known to have a positive impact on the way you feel

Prioritise sleep – don’t go near your phone /device at least a half hour before you go to bed

Prioritise your happiness – make sure you make time for doing things that you enjoy

Gratitude – focus on what you’ve got and NOT what you haven’t! Appreciate the little things in life, every day

Find your ‘why’ – why are you here and what can you do to make a positive difference to those around you, however small

Tom’s end message was that we are the only ones that can change how we feel. And that it’s important to never judge others, to look out for them, and always ask if they are OK.

It was clear that what Tom had to say really hit home with our boys. You Tom had, indeed, got the message across.

We’d like to say a very big thank you to Tom for taking the time to speak to our students –and for The Grace Dear Trust for facilitating this visit.